Come on!
Ah!
[GUNSHOT]
We haven't got time for that. Come on. Come on.
Aah!
[GUNFIRE]
Ah, shit!
Ah!
Aah!
Ah!
Uh!
Ah!
Aah!
Ah!
Run! Into the river!
[SHOUTING]
Go on! Go on!
Watch out.
[ORGAN PLAYING]
You got the ring?
What ring?
The ring.
[ORGAN STOPS PLAYING]
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to celebrate the marriage
of Carl Brackston to Tilly Ann Mason.
If anyone here should know of any impediment
why these two should not be joined in holy wedlock,
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
Carl, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife,
to live together after God's ordinance
in the holy state of matrimony?
[BEEP BEEP]
Wil thou love her, comfort her, honor and...
What is it?
Brackston and Davidson, report to G-6 immediately. Urgent.
We're standing at the altar.
I will.
I repeat, Agent Davidson, immediately.
We've got a triple red alert.
...to live together after God's ordinance...
You don't pay me enough for this.
Wilt thou love him, keep him
in sickness and in health--
Excuse me, Vicar, Tilly.
Red alert, Carl. We got to get now. Sorry, buddy.
Honey, I got to go. I'm sorry.
Where is he going?
Carl, you can't go now!
I know you don't mean it, honey.
I love you.
[ENGINE STARTS]
OK, let's go.
OK, Carl,
tell me what you know about Colonel Scoff Mulgrew.
He is an ex-British policeman jailed by the British
for killing several men under interrogation.
He's mad. He's a sadist.
He hates the British,
but most of all,
he hates Americans.
Correct.
And this is him.
Mulgrew has been helping Sheik Ali Maksood
to train their assassins in an old British Fort
up in the mountains.
Probably paying him several million a year for his favors.
But lately things have gotten much worse.
Those bastards are on the verge of creating a nuclear device
small enough to fit into a suitcase
to carry into New York.
Holy shit!
My sentiments exactly.
Now hear this.
Last week, the President sent in a secret Delta Force Unit
to wipe those bastards out.
It was a king size failure.
We got these tapes an hour ago.
Who are those guys?
Ninja--
that's the japanese red-faction army.
It's the best they've got.
Along with the tapes, weot a message--
All four prisoners will be burned alive a week from today
unless the united states pays a ransom of $50 million
and releases all of God's freedom fighters.
Oh, these guys are crazy.
Right. Now, here's our problems--
We only have a few days before the media gets ahold of this.
Then all hell will break loose.
The President will either be forced to pay the ransom
or send in the B-2 bombers.
When do I leave, Gavin?
When do you both leave?
Immediately.
You'll parachute in before dawn.
A local operative will meet you there.
The password will be "The Big, Blue Wrecking Crew."
You'll get the rest of your instructions then.
Carl, would you excuse us for a moment, please?
- Yeah. - Thank you.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What the hell is going on, Gavin?
Carl?
Carl is not a field operative.
You haven't read his file. I have.
He came top of his class--
a brilliant linguist, a superb marksman.
He's the best trained operator we have.
He's also a fantastic bowler, but this is not a game.
Those were ninja.
Where did training get your Delta Force?
He's the best we have available.
What about Joe Armstrong?
Joe? Joe's with the Peace Corps.
His head is full of peace, love, and light.
Give him a call, Gavin.
I did.
He cut me off.
OK.
Sean.
Good luck.
We're going to need it.
What's wrong? Wait up, um... I got--
30 seconds to jump time!
Line positions, men!
So where's our contact?
This way.
[RUSTLING]
Hey, what was that?
That could be him.
OK, that's far enough.
Move like you was treading on eggs
because this thing is likely to go off
if I get nervous, capisci?
Capisci.
Who the hell are you?
The Big Blue Wreaking Crew.
Why the hell didn't you say so?
Hi. I'm Pongo, your contact.
The limo is out back.
It's air-conditioned.
I don't know.
I think he's been watching too many movies or something.
Come on. Get in.
[CAR DOORS SHUT]
[ENGINE SPUTTERS]
This is ridiculous! It's a new engine.
Stupid heap of rust!
Yeah, Cagney.
No. It was Brando.
It was Cagney!
One Eyed Jacks, with Marlon Brando and Karl Malden.
It was Cagney!
Marlon Brando's the boy, OK?
I know the guy. He's smooth when he's acting.
Pongo. Pongo.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Ha ha ha!
What's so funny?
Mulgrew and his friends wiped out.
The best Unit Delta Force could find,
and G-6 sends us two guys who look like...
Hee hee hee hee!
That's what's funny, pal.
Hey, Igor, throw these bums out of here.
Uh!
Oh!
My apologies, gentlemen.
I had to make sure you were the right people.
Come with me.
Gee, guys, that was really great!
Family?
Yeah. Ha ha ha!
OK, let me give you a quick rundown of the situation.
Here's the fort.
Somewhere in the middle of that complex
is the bomb-making facility
and the dungeons holding the four Americans.
It's almost impregnable, but not quite.
All right, move back! Now!
Come on! Come on!
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
It's Mulgrew and O'Reilly!
Holy shit! Mulgrew!
If anything happens, head straight for Sulfur Springs.
Ask for Dr. Tamba.
He's the only one that can help you.
They mustn't find you here.
Freeze!
[SCREAM]
Yo, freeze! Freeze! Freeze!
Shut up!
Get those hands up!
Hold it right there!
Hello, Freddie.
How is my fat friend today, eh, huh?
Ah!
Where are those strangers you're hiding, Freddie, eh?
I'm sorry, Colonel.
I don't know what strangers you're talking about.
Just me and-- oh...
[GUNSHOT]
Heh heh!
Now, my... my young friend...
you're not going to, uh...
Try my well-known patience, are you, hmm?
Tell me...
where are those two strangers, hmm?
- Huh? - They're in the closet!
[SCREAM]
Don't kill them.
I want those bastards alive.
Now where do we go?
Come on.
You two go this way!
You two around the back!
OK, you're over there!
Let's go!
Go around the back. We're going this way.
Now what do we do?
We get out of here.
You guys all right?
Where the hell did he come from?
- Look, I'm really sorry about-- - Shh!
Come on. Let's go.
OK, quick. This way.
Hey, listen, where are you taking us?
Relax. I got it covered.
Hi, Pongo.
What's wrong?
Mulgrew's men are after us.
OK.
This way. Quick.
Come on!
Where?
What is this place?
It's a mortuary.
Inside.
Is this what you do for a living?
Inside.
[COUGHING]
Well, I hope they pay you well.
OK, guys, get on the slabs.
You got to be kidding.
[POUNGING ON DOOR]
Hurry, hurry.
Kick it open.
You have come for the bodies?
What bloody bodies?
The bodies from the leper colony.
They brought them out for the autopsies.
- Leper colony, you say? - Yeah.
No. We're looking for two very dangerous-looking men.
See any?
No, not since I left Chicago.
Go on. Have a look around.
Bloody hell.
On second thought,
I think they went the other way.
If you see them,
phone police headquarters immediately.
OK. Sure. No problem.
[LOCKS DOOR]
Damn! That was close.
I can't believe that worked.
This is Sarah Pierce, Peace Corps.
She saved my ass a dozen times.
A dozen too many.
Hi, Sarah. Carl Brackston, CIA.
Sarah, this is my buddy-- Sean Davidson.
Hi, Sarah.
Hi, Sean.
Thank you very much for what you've done today.
We appreciate it.
Guys, we'd better go.
Hey, where are you going?
I can't involve you in this any further.
- You've done enough. - But I am involved.
Mulgrew and his men will be after me.
Look, I can take you as far as Sulfur Springs,
- and that's it. OK? - OK.
Pongo, which way is it to Sulfur Springs?
That-a way.
Come on, let's make some time.
You're not exactly built for running, are you?
Who are those bastards?
More bloody Americans?
British SAS, hmm?
Or maybe slime from Sulfer Springs, hmm?
What's the matter, gentlemen?
Cat got your tongue?
Well?
Please, Colonel. I don't know nothing.
[GUNSHOT]
Don't you make me lose my bloody temper!
None of us ever saw them before!
We would have told you.
[GUNSHOT]
Heh heh heh!
Igor.
This is all such a bore.
You know, I like you.
I really, really like you.
Look, I'll give you 500 drolophis and let you go
if you tell me who those men were.
The demons sent from Hell to get you.
Tell my friend the Devil
I'm not ready to come here yet.
Have a nice day.
Carl, get them under cover.
Use your gun if you have to.
What do you mean, disappeared?
I tracked them to the mortuary.
I searched the whole place.
No sign of anyone, except that American Pace Corps female.
She took them out the back, you prick!
I should have killed her when I killed her father.
You find them immediately, understand?
Sir!
Bloody idiot.
Hyahh!
Ugh!
Hiyy!
[FIRES GUN]
My dear Scoff, what concerns you?
There's a problem.
I think the Americans have infiltrated
two more of their damned assassins.
Why so worried, my dear friend?
Have we not dealt the pigs a mortal blow
everytime our paths have crossed?
I think you should execute the prisoners immediately
and transfer the bomb to Beirui as soon as you can.
- You are fat too impetuous. - Uhh!
[SHOUTS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Bravo, bravo.
Invincible.
- A men of steel. - Amazing.
Ugh!
Yes, it's as if they were almost proud to die at my command.
I always try to impress upon my people
that to die in holy battle is a passport to Heaven.
You always were full of shit, Ali.
Are these the Americans of whom you spoke?
Yes.
I told you my dear Scoff, you worry too much.
- Ha ha! - Watch.
Heeya!
Heeeyah!
Yah!
Yoww!
You American fuck.
I'm goinig to teach you a lesson you'll never forget
as long as you live, which won't be very long.
We will carry out the executions in 48 hours.
I will inform the American Ambassador
at President Bender's reception this evening.
You always did have a sense of the dramatic, Ali.
So, gentlemen, what are your names,
and what are you doing here?
I see.
These other animals once thought
they were superior to us mere mortals...
until I gave them a lesson in the folly of false pride.
Watch.
Lick my shoe.
Hiyah!
Now, gentlemen, one more time.
What are your names, and what are you doing here?
Very well, gentlemen.
This will be your first lesson in blind obedience.
Oh, God!
[WHIP CRACKING]
Do not kill them, my dear Scoff.
They shall give far more pleasure too Allah and myself alive.
Come. Let us call Beirut and make arrangements.
The girl?
I think all she needs is a stiff talking to.
I'm going to have you,
but I won't keep you too long.
[STUDENTS] Morning, Joe.
Morning.
OK. Today's lesson is going to be about environment.
"En-vi-ron-ment."
What is environment?
Our surroundings.
Everything around us, OK?
[DOOR OPENS]
I want you to go outside
and find an example of our environment.
When you come back, we'll discuss it, OK?
- OK. - OK.
Last time was the last time.
You already know what happened to Delta Force.
We sent in two agents.
They're going to be executed.
One of them is your friend Sean.
Everything you need to know is right here...
in case you change your mind.
We need you, Joe.
[AIRPORT PUBLIC ADDRESS] This is the last boarding call for flight 671.
Last boarding call for flight 671.
America?
What is the purpose of your visit, Mr. Armstrong?
Holiday.
- Profession? - Teacher.
[STAMPS PASSPORT]
- Have a nice day. - Thank you.
All passengers deplaning from flight 417
may pick up your baggage at Carrousel 6.
Joe Armstrong?
Where to, man?
Flight 301 will be departing from gate 6.
Flight number 301 will be departing from gate 6.
Sulfur Springs.
OK. Quick. Get in.
Am I glad to meet you.
Hi. Pongo.
Let's get out of here.
[START ENGINE]
Well, that's the end of my story.
You got a hell of a nerve coming here.
Sean and Carl couldn't even handle these guys.
The guys might even be dead, even Sarah.
Who's Sarah?
American nurse, working with the Peace Corps.
She was helping us out but got captured.
Tell me more about Sulfur Springs.
Sulfur Springs used to be a Penal Colony,
but after Bender became President,
the prisoners took over.
Nowadays it's a rallying point
for everyone who's pissed off with Mulgrew.
Why hasn't Mulgrew blown it up?
He tried, but got a kick up the ass.
That was before the ninjas arrived, of course.
[JOE] Who's Tamba?
Tamba-- he was the prison doctor.
Now he runs the joint.
If you get Tamba and his guys to help you,
there's a good chance
you can do what they've been trying to do.
Hiyah!
Out!
Who are you?
I'm Pongo. That's Joe Armstrong.
What do you want?
- A guy named Tamba. - Yeah?
Never heard of him.
Fat Freddie said he lived here and could use some good men.
Ha! Good men?
- Ha! - Ha ha!
- Ha! - Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
This way...
please.
Carlos.
We are always looking for good men, ja?
Mr. Armstrong,
why don't you show us how good you are?
He'll take all three on at the same time!
That's a big boast, Mr. Armstrong.
The three of us?
Yeah, all three!
We're not here to fight.
[FIRES GUN]
Hey! Stop this! Stop it!
Stop that!
The man won, fair and square.
We need men like him.
Very impressive, Mr. Armstrong.
Welcome to Sulfur Springs!
Ha ha ha!
Come up here!
I'm Dr. Tamba.
Joe Armstrong.
Let's go, man.
Freddie said you were the only guy who could help us.
How can I help you?
We must rescue the Americans from the guard's executioners.
So if you can get us to the Dragon Fort
and make some diversions, we may have a chance.
Entering the Fort is supposed to be impossible.
Yeah, but there may just be a way.
Many years ago,
the British dug ammunition tunnels underneath the Fort.
These were flooded when the Dragon River overflowed.
Over 200 British troops were drowned.
The engineers dug in from the other side of the mountain
to release the water.
Everybody thinks that these tunnels were dynamited shut,
but we think maybe they missed one.
All the engineering plans are kept at the Civic Center.
President Bender is holding a reception there
for the third world finance ministers.
Perhaps we could all go as uninvited guest, hmm?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Mr. President, my government
has instructed me to inform you
that unless Sheik Ali Maksood and his associates
release the hostages immediately...
I don't believe my eyes.
Mr. President, who invited that scum?
You were saying, Mr. Ambassador?
I was referring to you and your associates as scum, sir.
Ah, Yes. A popular American expression
when referring to other races.
Just a moment, Mr. Ambassad.
We have something very important to tell you.
Oh? Is that so? What do you want?
- Somewhere quieter, perhaps. - After you.
O'Reilly, keep an eye on things.
Here. Hold this.
...that we have captured another two of your adventurers
and an American nurse.
They will be executed with the other scum.
What do you mean, the others, you pig?
We also wish to tell you
we have moved the execution forward.
It will now take place tomorrow morning.
Remember, it's the basement. I think it's 1945.
Hey, you!
Where do you think you're going?
There you are.
My son, I'm having confessions downstairs,
and I'd like you to come.
Confessions! Who do you think you're kidding?
You're under arrest.
No, no, my son.
- Oh! - Bless you, my son.
If you harm one hair on one of those men's heads,
I will personally see that this place is disintegrated.
Then New York will quickly follow suit, Mr. Ambassador.
Ha ha ha!
You bastards.
Oh, you're such a rat sometimes, Ali.
- Ha ha ha! - [COUGHING]
What's that?
What the hell are you doing down there, O'Reilly?
Bloody priests!
What bloody priests?
I assure you, he's a priest.
He's holding confession downstairs in the basement.
You're mad. There are no priests.
I shot them all months ago.
Priests! You idiot!
Some bugger is after the plans to the Fort!
Schmuck!
Hey, hold on, man!
Oh!
Christians!
Infidels!
[YELLING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
We can get in here,
through the cliff sluice gate.
They didn't think anyone would be crazy enough
to try and climb up there.
[SNIFF]
Hey, how are you doing?
I know we're going to die.
Mulgrew killed my father.
I know he's going to kill us.
I never thought it was going to end like this.
I do not like it, Scoff.
Why did they want the plans of the Fort?
To find another bloody way in.
[PRAYING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Mecca is that way, old chap.
Anyway, there isn't one.
Trust me.
What are your plans, Ali?
A helicopter will arrive tomorrow to collect the bomb.
If necessary, we can leave with it.
I'm going to bed. Wake me in the morning.
[GRINDING]
Yeah.
People of Sulfur Springs, we have a mission!
We must fight for our freedom...
- Freedom! - Freedom!
With the help of the American,
who has proved himself to be our friend and our equal!
We must finally rid ourselves of the powers of darkness!
[YELLING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Yay!
Colonel, come quick!
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Colonel!
What do you want?
It's an emergency. They're rioting!
- Who is? - Sulfur Springs.
Cut the slime down like dogs. No Mercy.
I don't know the word's meaning.
- You are early, Scoff. - Something's up.
I want to see the prisoners.
Ah!
All still here, gentlemen.
Good.
Plus the playmate of the month.
- Stop it! - Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Damn you!
Silence!
Prepare them for execution.
Take me to the lab.
There she is.
Made by the hand of Allah
to bring the Great Satan to his knees.
[BEEPING]
Why the hell did you do that, old chap?
It filles me with ecstasy
to think that I was just one second away
from meeting Allah.
Is there another way into this lab?
No.
Good. Tell the ninjas to stay on guard
and keep their hands off the bloody bomb!
I got a bad feeling about this, Sean.
It's not over yet.
All right, you bastards.
That's far enough!
This is an illegal gathering!
You are all under arrest!
Attack!
[GUNFIRE]
Quick! Don't let them get to the Fort.
Bastards!
[FOOTSTEPS]
Where's that noise coming from?
From the old ammunition tunnels underneath, I think.
The old ammunition tunnels?
Bloody hell! They're coming through the old ammo tunnels!
That's why they wanted the engineering plans.
I must be going bloody senile.
Sound the alarm!
Move the bomb to the helicopter
and proceed with the executions.
The rest of you, get down there
and kill everybody you can find!
Go!
[ALARM BELL RINGING]
Hii-yah! Yaah!
Good.
Is it dangerous?
Equisitely dangerous, my son.
Treat it with care.
It has enough power
to blow New York off the face of the Earth.
Allah go with you.
Ya-aah!
Yee-yow!
[CHANTING]
Yee-aah!
Aah!
[CHANTING]
Huu!
Sean?
Sean.
Come on. We got to go.
Are you OK?
Waa!
Uuh!
Sean, what are you doing?
It's Joe!
Silence!
True believers...
last night...
I heard a jackal scream in the mountain.
It was an omen sent to me by Allah
to tell me that I have been... too merciful.
So, my children...
because the Great Satan has not fulfilled the just demands...
Uuh!
Bye, Joe.
Aah!
These American criminals...
Koppudera.
Get on with it, Ali.
Let the execution begin.
Uuh!
Aah!
Aah. Oh, no.
Oh, no! No!
No!
Oh, no.
No! No! Please, God, no!
Please. Please.
No! No!
Oh, no!
Aah!
No! No!
Aah!
Yaah! Yaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Kill the infidels.
Hayaku!
You guys OK?
Kill them!
Kill the cowards!
Kill the unbelievers!
[GUNFIRE]
Aah!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Go! Go!
Aah!
You stay here.
I'll be back for you as soon as I can.
Go.
- Where to? - Mecca.
Aah!
You arab prick! You bloody wogs are all the same.
A bunch of incompetents, the whole bloody lot of you!
Come on, you bitch!
Sean!
- Ow! - Stop it!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Sarah.
[GUNSHOT]
Aah!
All right. OK.
Oh, God. Sean.
It's over.
Everything's going to be OK now.
Why did that ninja untie you?
Oh, that's a friend of mine.
He's not much for words.
But he comes through at the end.
Sean!
You can find me at the school.
Captioned by Grant Brown